BEWARE THE GUEST BLOG

Editor's Note: Well, we'd been saying that our guest blogs did a little too much ass-kissing...but thanks to the fabulous Ali-mac, all that's over now. Meg's psyched, because she'll never have to field small bladder accusations again. So there. Hah! Enjoy. And next time you hear a touchy-feely NPR piece on All Things Considered "produced by Alison MacAdam", remember that big-shot radio people sometimes have to pee into a pitcher in the back of Land Rovers too....

Okay. We all love Meg and Rahul, and have read this blog all year with guffaws, delight, and pride for having such cool friends/family. But isn't there that little part of you... say, the nasty side... who has just beeen HATING this blog as well? Are you like me? Sitting in a grey-lined cubicle at work, or looking out your apartment window at...zzzzz... America... are you thinking, "I am so pathetic sitting here while Meg and Rahul are sipping yak butter tea and scaling mountains next door to Everest." ? Well, hopefully I'm not alone in feeling a little bit jealous. So let's bust open this little happy Meg-and-Rahul-Land RIGHT NOW!

I had the privilege - along with my boyfriend Simon - of becoming part of the adventure in Tanzania. That's why I'm guest-blogging. On our last night together, Rahul observed I had "strident views about inconsequential things." So here goes: I'm NOT gonna tell you about the amazing, hilarious adventures we had. I'm gonna tell you about the sucky, stinky, hair-so-dirty-it sticks-to-your-fingers part of this trip.

Let's start with Meg's clothes. This girl has worn the same THREE outfits for about 8 months. You can imagine they might get a little, say, dusty. But more importantly, woman, what happened to your sense of style?? Meg likes to wear this embroidered blue and red peasant blouse with an orange checked skirt. Phew! I am telling you... you can see this woman coming miles away. Zanzibari police had to book her for clashing (it's a serious offense in Muslim society).

Rahul? Nope, not much better. He's also, as you might note from previous blogs, taken to wearing too little, too often. I mean...wearing NOTHING. Bailing him out of the Stone Town Prison for the Unclothed and Unwashed took longer than it takes to read the latest Harry Potter.

On to hair. Of course, bigger problem for Meg than Rahul. Meg and I sat on the prow of the tossing ferry from Zanzibar to Dar es Salaam to avoid complete barfiness. We were having this great girl-chat, but the whole time I was watching as Meg allowed her unconfined hair to be blown so absolutely back towards the island that by the time we reached our destination, it was all pointing to the right. Shameless.

Speaking of the ferry... it will turn the strongest stomachs. This ferry tossed you like a washing machine, but with less regularity. I imagine it was a bit like riding a bronco... but you really looking sexier riding a bronco than tossing on this Tanzanian Barf Machine. (To our credit, even the weakest stomach of us made it to Dar successfully.)

One more note about Zanzibar and basic hygiene: Remember how when you're at the beach you have to make a serious effort to keep sand from getting it EVERY crevice? Well, we did some yoga on the beach in Matemwe. I oh-so-delicately place my towel in the sand so I could downward-dog and cobra without getting covered in it. Meg and Rahul? Uh-uh. No towel. Just laid down straight in the sand with no regard for those vulnerable crevices.

Let's talk now about safari. If you were going on safari in Africa, would you ask for it to be VEGETARIAN?? Hell, no! The country known for ugali (the staple: cornmeal mush... BIG hunks of it!) is not the spot for a 5-day catered veggie trip. Especially on a budget. The first day the vegetable mush came out with rice, we were pleased. The second day it came out with pasta, we (I) gulped up a LOT of dry pasta. The third day? We all stared at the bowl of veggies floating in unidentified tomato matter as our stomachs cried out, "NO MORE VEGGIE MUSH!" Fourth day, it was cooked into a pie. Filling, but requiring speedy post-lunch trips to the latrines. And the fifth day, accompanying potatoes. Hello, Tanzania! Which one is the main course??

(A note on Tanzanian beverages: Beware the bright orange "Chemi-Cola"! Read instructions first.)

Now - on to the scatalogical (Mom, you can stop reading if you want.). First of all, growing up with Meg, I knew she often got the trademarked "sudden urge to pee." Now - I know why. Since safari involves peeing IN the Land Cruiser or getting your butt bit off by a lion - we used a handy Tupperware pitcher. Fun thing about a pitcher is that you can measure things! Let me tell you, Meg Pearson can almost fill a pitcher of lemonade! I am not kidding - anyone who tells you we are all the same is WRONG. You could make an official NBA basketball out of Meg's bladder.

One of Meg's sudden urges almost got her in a lot of trouble, too. About 20 feet from our campsite on the rim of the Ngorogoro Crater, we saw two elephants busy eating out of the trash pile. Very funny, very cute. Well, Meg decides to pop a squat about 15 feet to the left. All of a sudden a third elephant appears, stomping towards her hiding place in the bushes, snorting, tusks brandished. Megger, this isn't camp Monterey! You can't just pop a squat in elephant territory!

Not to pile on Meg... let me tell you something about Rahul. Some of you who've spent time with him in closed up spaces -- say, college dormrooms or his car -- will already know this fact. That boy has got the most insidious, stinkiest..... Well, you know what I mean.

So all in all - traveling's a joy, and it's a bitch. You get smelly and crusty and your hands dry out from too much hand sanitizer. Your butt gets chafed from toilet paper the texture of sandpaper. And Meg and Rahul seem frighteningly comfortable with all of it.

Nonetheless, everyone, go out and travel with Meg and Rahul. It will make you love them more --- and LOVE home, too.

(PS - By the way, we had a blast.)
(PPS - Cathy Pearson, I promise you Meg's general instinct towards cleanliness is simply hibernating!) (Hey, where's the reassuring message to Rahul's mom about his hygiene?--ed.)

--ali-mac